Biking Day 1: Little Village to Lamphun

Before you bike in Thailand, go visit a one-eyed Dutch man named Hans who runs a brothel called the Little Village in Hang Dong (just kidding, it's not a brothel. Oh, and I'm pretty sure that Hans has two eyes and likes to squint). Anyway, Hans knows every side street and back alley in northern Thailand and can plot you the most awesomest zaniest bike journey, zipping you around out-of-the-way temples and unseen natural wonders, while "probably" not getting you killed. He rented us three superior mountain bikes and plotted us an incredible five day tour. Thanks, Hans!

And just like that, we were on our way. "Leaf! Please keep your hands on the handlebars!"


Okay, before we get too far, here are some minor things to freak out about while biking in Thailand:

• Forgetting to stay on the right side of the road. . . which is the LEFT. . . right?
• Nasty 20% grade hills
• Zombie motorbikes coming at you from all directions.
• Crazy three-legged dogs

Anyway, as soon as we got on our bikes, all our anxiety about Thailand vanished. Cycling through the villages and countryside slowed the world down. It let us experience some of the day-to-day life of the people. It let us jump into the landscape.





Hey, get out of the road, little fellow.


Leaf discovers the perfect quick-energy snack in Thailand. . . Sticky rice. . . Yum!


And just down the road. . .the rice paddy it came from!


Our first meal on the road. . . noodle soup. So good!


All in all, it was an easy day. . . 43k and we reached Lamphum in no time. Leaf immediately went out and bartered for popcorn and ice cream.


Fan repair man in Lamphun. Can you find him?


Okay. . that's our first biking day. We checked the plan and saw we had a few more easy days before we end with some 80km rides. . . . No problem, right? Krap! I'll leave you with a white elephant. . .


NEXT DAY. . .

Biking Day 2: Lamphun to San Kampeng

Day two started with Leaf biking down the steps of our hotel. Luckily we had already checked out. Also notice the Christmas tree. . . rare flora for Thailand, only found in tourist hotels.


Look, it's a giant golden Buddha, hiding up in those trees! Why does that guy keep following us? Bike faster. Let's lose him!


"Today, I'm going first. I'm passing you, dad."
"Krap. . . it was bound to happen one day. . ."


"Wait for me! I want in the picture too!"


Here's a question. . . What's with all the 7-11's in Thailand? The little convenience stores are everywhere. . . across from temples, next to fancy restaurants, off the highway, in little nowhere towns. Also the 7-11 is almost always the only corporate entity in town. Below, you can see one hiding behind this majestic temple gate.

Leaf "killing it" on a climb. . .


Hey, don't go in the road, little fellow!


"Why do we always gotta wait for dad?"

San Kammpeng Hot Springs

It was another pretty relaxed day, 45km with very few hills. When we got to the resort, we rented some motor bikes and headed to the hot springs. Here is Mark and Leaf on the big bad bike. I know what you're thinking. . . Marlon Brando in the Wild One. . . or maybe Dennis Hopper in Easy Rider. . . Yep, it was a lot like that.


The hot springs had various heat levels where you could soak your feet. . . 40, 45, 50, and 55 degrees C. We were just able to tolerate 45 degrees.


Another great day of cycling. I'll leave you with a photo of a tiger and an elephant hanging out together. In Thailand, these two large mammals were never enemies. They were friends who would often work together to run small out-of-they-way boarding houses, happily sharing in all the cooking, cleaning and administrative chores.


NEXT DAY

Biking Day 3: San Kampaeng to Doi Saket

The next day started with a nice road around a lake. When we reached the lake, an important military-looking fellow approached us and insisted we take a picture with him. Sure, we said, as long as we can take a picture with you.


Hey, get out of the road, little fellow!


Buddha is white; Krishna is blue,
Who'd win in a fight? I have no clue.


This may be a good time to mention the great and wondrous squatter. We ran into many of these on our trip. Usually they came along with green buckets to flush and bum-gun sprayers to use instead of toilet paper. Of course, many questions arise upon one's first discovery of this set-up. Questions about aim and balance. Questions about the strength of one's calves and knees. Questions about the hazards of going around with a wet bum all day. One could spend minute after minute pondering the cultural implications of the squatter. . . hours even. . . especially if one has eaten too many bananas.


Okay, let's get a mooove on.

Muang On Cave

In route, we stopped to explore a large limestone cave called Muang On Cave. The cave had some extremely nice stairways.


Inside the cave, whom should we find? You guessed it. . . Buddha. The guy shows up everywhere.


Do you ever get the feeling something big and heavy is hanging over your head?


After leaving the cave, we climbed up to the top of the hill to see a stuppa.
"It was stupendous."
"Although to make the climb, we needed to be as strong as stuppa-man."
"Stop, you guys! Your puns are so stuppa."


Red pick-ups are like taxis in Thailand (although sometimes they are green or yellow). At the end of a biking day, they looked strangely appealing.
"Should we get a taxi? Here is an empty one. It can fit all our bikes. It will only cost three dollars."
"Yeah, dad. You look a little tired."
"No." Sigh. . . "I'm good."


When you needed to refuel, Thailand had a bunch of these little mini-marts. We would often buy chocolate milk, potato chips (not the squid flavor), and of course, sticky rice.


We soon reached our next hotel and enjoyed the best mango, banana, and coconut smoothies of the trip. Also had some splendid phad thai. Here is Leaf and Monet sitting in front of a tropical xmas tree.


This was another easy day. . 45k with some big hills. . nothing too difficult. But we had our big day coming up, 83k with some nasty hills. . . Can we do it? I'll leave you with a picture of Ganesh who was residing next to the stuppa on the hill we climbed. The northern Thai's must really love this guy.


NEXT DAY

Biking Day 4: Doi Saket to MaeTeng

Okay, this was an insane day. Over 80km with a ton of nasty hills that you could only find in Thailand. More than once we were shaking our fists at Hans. Still, it was great fun and we found a wonderful waterfall.

Yeah, yeah. . . I was in the back again. Don't remind me.


One thing that Monet craved during most on this trip was a good baked item. "I would kill for a decent scone in Thailand!" Well, today was her lucky day. She found her baked good. Although. . . there was some strange green goo on it.


In the morning, we had to knock off some nasty hills. "No problem," said Leaf. "I didn't walk once."


Buddha poses


"Come on, dad, this is not the time for ice cream."
"But I climbed those big hills."
"I know you did. . . and you did a great job. But wait until after lunch."


Hey, get out of the road little fellow. .. and stop eating my sticky rice!


There were some single tracks in Thailand that Hans sent us down. . . but they could lead to unpredictable places. This one went to a small trash dump.

Bua Tong Sticky Waterfalls

After the tough climbs, we stopped for some fun at the Bua Tong waterfalls. They were easy to climb, but make sure you don't floop.






We survived the big day with the hard climbs. To celebrate, I made a quick video of Leaf biking. The shaky camera work is my fault. . . trying to film from a Nikon hanging around my neck was a challenge. The reason why the video ends, is we hit an unexpected stop sign and I tumbled over my handlebars. . . I somehow managed to stop filming before the wreck (darn!). Okay, here you go!

At the end of the day we biked past a large number of elephant sanctuaries. We got to see both the good and bad of elephant care in Thailand. I'll leave you with a picture of some handlers at one of the sanctuaries. The next day was another 80k day, but it was a lot of down hill, back to Chiang Mai and the Little Village.


NEXT DAY

Biking Day 5: MaeTaeng to Little Village

We stayed at a guesthouse up in the hills and it was cold when we woke up on our fifth and final day of biking.


Monet insisted on stopping for espresso. She drank it at the counter, like a true Italian.


As we came out of the hills, we biked past a pack of pachyderms.


For lunch, we snuck into the Four Seasons resort north of Chiang Mai and ate at their restaurant. It was very nice, but honestly, the food didn't compare to what we ate on the road. The Four Seasons was pretty cool though. They had their own mini Thailand countryside, equipped with ponds and cows and rice paddies. Why didn't we just bike around there?



As we got closer to Chiang Mai, the streets got busier and we had some hectic crossings. . .


But we also found the strangest thing. . . a bike path! Our first in Thailand. It didn't last long, but it was awesome.


Hey, get out of the road, little fellow!


And then we came across something really weird. . . the Grand Canyon!
Really? In Thailand? We traveled halfway around the world and find ourselves back at the Grand Canyon? So weird. . .


Okay. . that was our big bike tour. Time to relax. But we still had another week until our flight out of Bangkok and back home. What would we do next? Chill out in Chiang Mai? "Hell no," said Monet. "We're going to the beach."

I'll leave you with another picture of an elephant from one of the sanctuaries. . .


NEXT DAY